Wa-wa-wee-wa! – Borat
Borat!: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

The quote obviously is talking about Len Wiseman, where he could possibly go from making one of the shittiest film franchises, to a good Die Hard film. Wiseman gets my respect on two levels. The first being the big leap. The second one being successful.

Live Free or Die Hard is totally out of league from the previous installments. Of course, do you really think we can go back twelve years ago and start from where it ended? No. We have a balder Bruce, computer hackers, and more advanced guns. And Kevin Smith. Now tell me, where the fuck can you go wrong with this? I’ll tell you.

You can’t.

Bruce Willis reprises his role as John McClane, the badass old New York cop who is now watching out for his daughter a bit too much. McClane is called to take computer hacker and geek Matt Ferrell and drive him down to Washington D.C. And like always, McClane gets himself into some deep shit, while walking in on Ferrell right before he is targeted by terrorists. And just like that, the action begins. And no, it doesn’t stop. McClane finds out that computer hackers Gabriel and Mai are the ones that are causing it. And once Gabriel kidnaps McClane’s daughter … it is soooo fucking on.

And yeah, that’s pretty much it as far as plot goes.

Not only was I worried that this film was going to be bad because Wiseman was directing, but I was worried about the PG-13 rating. That meant 1. No smoking, since the MPAA are already cracking down on movies that feature smoking in it; 2. No bloody violence; and 3. No Yippie-Kay-Yay Motherfucker, or any of Willis’s one-liners. I really hoped that this would have taken the chance with an R. If it did get an R, people would still line up to see it, especially die-hard fans of Die Hard. But you know, for a PG-13 film, it ain’t all that bad. Let’s hope Transformers does the same that Die Hard did, and my summer can be complete early.

I got to tell you. Fifty-two years old, and Bruce Willis is STILL kicking ass. As much as I want to lie and say he didn’t, I’m not, because lying is for pussies, and I’m not. I really thought that this new PG-13 rating would show Bruce Willis acting like Peter Parker, but he didn’t. If Bruce Willis could stick to these kinds of movies until the day he dies, I would be the first in-line… behind Jerry and everyone else here, but I’d still pay for my ticket.

And Justin Long, who plays the actual pussy in the film, doesn’t do a bad job at it. Of course, when McClane first knocks on his door, I said “Oh fuck, the guy from Herbie … let’s leave.” But I stayed, and Long actually, you know, makes up for that mess called Herbie. And Mary Elizabeth Winstead (who I didn’t really notice in Death Proof but do now) is not only a great actor, but a hottie. I still can’t believe I missed her in Death Proof … must have been that waiting for Zoe Bell.

The action scenes in Live Free or Die Hard are pretty damn good. I mean, we still have them explosions, but shit, we don’t have as many as The Marine … who woulda thought I would mention The Marine in my Die Hard review? If this wasn’t a part of the Die Hard series, I would probably enjoy it much more. If we had blood, more cursing, and a little bit more plot, I would enjoy it a lot more. But it was pretty good.

And finally, we actually redefined the meaning of something called “summer blockbuster.”