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Comic Review: Jesus Hates Zombies — Those Slack Jaw Blues TPB
Ryan Midnight   |  

Jesus Hates Zombies - Those Slack Jaw BluesJesus Hates Zombies: Those Slack-Jaw Blues TPB
Created by Stephen Lindsay
Artist: Various
Independent Horizon
Cover Price: $17; Available Now

A zombie plague has overtaken Earth, and the situation has become so dire that God feels he must step in and once again send his only son to Earth to save the souls of those that remain alive. Jesus’ goal is to find a church where a group of survivors are boarded up and are the key to saving the human race. Unfortunately, there are two catches. First, God is unable to locate the specific church due to the evil clouding Earth, and so Jesus must travel the globe until he finds it. Second, since Jesus’ powers on Earth are fueled by faith and belief, and with so few left alive to believe, Jesus is essentially a mortal.

Now on Earth, and armed with a trusty baseball bat, Jesus wanders from town to town, and city to city, looking for this one specific church. He encounters hundreds of zombies, which he dispatches with ease, and deals with worse in the form of those that are still human and driven insane by the walking dead. Along the way, Jesus picks up an unlikely sidekick — a “Bub” style zombie who has retained some slight speech abilities and recognizes Jesus for the savior that he is.

Blasphemy hasn’t been this fun since Willem Dafoe donned the crown of thorns! Pouring from the demented mind of Stephen Lindsay, and assisted by co-writer Michael Bartolotta and a score of artists, this is not Billy Graham’s or Jimmy Swaggert’s Jesus. Our hero here has no time to turn the other cheek, relishes in being able to take aggression out on some zombies, smokes more cigarettes than the Marlboro Man, and isn’t afraid to take his own name in vain. God also gets a rather interesting makeover, as an overweight cigar-chomping gangster-type, who hangs out at Heaven’s Spa, home of the famous “Godly Touch Massage.”

With a concept a simple as “Jesus fights zombie,” the gimmick could get stale pretty quick. Lindsay’s writing however, is an absolute blast, and by putting Jesus through some pretty tough times, he gives his “character” a bit of a story arc and develops him during his long and arduous task. Lindsay isn’t afraid to throw out a slew of pop culture references along with way, starting with the very Terminator-esque arrival of Jesus on Earth. From there, a Matrix style download from God himself so that Jesus can drive a car, and of course a bowling alley scene. How can you not have The Jesus with no bowling alley?

While Jesus Hates Zombies isn’t going to be required reading material at Regent University anytime soon, the more familiar you are with Christianity the more fun you’re going to have with this book. Lindsay has certainly done his research, or perhaps went to one to many CCD classes, and knows just how to work the magic. Jesus’ zombie friend is named Laz (short for Lazarus, perhaps?) and works at Job’s Services (a Book Of Job reference?). Jesus internally monologues with Mags (Mary Magdalene?) at one point, a few jokes get made toward Jesus being Jewish, and there is the obligatory crucifixion sequence. The fun doesn’t stop there, but half the joy of the book is trying to catch all the references, and trust me, there are plenty!

In this anthology trade paperback, the adventures of Jesus fightin’ some zombies are told in roughly eight-page increments, with a new artist undertaking each story. The art styles vary quite a bit, though the entire book is in black and white. A few of the stories themselves are a little lackluster, as well as the artwork accompanying them, but on the whole this is some great gooey zombie work, fun for the whole family, and will look pretty sharp next to your collection of The Walking Dead comics and Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter DVD. There is a small problem of continuity due to the variety of artists, the biggest one being Jesus, who takes on a different look with each story. While at first it is a little disconnecting, the array of guises is a hoot! Where else are you going to see Jesus go from a heavy metal singer who could take on all the members of Stryper and Creed at once, to a dead ringer for Kevin Matchstick from Mage, to a Kevin Smith clone, to a long lost relative of Bob Marley?

Those Slack-Jaw Blues, is packed to the gills with goodness! The story portion of the book comes in at 110 pages, followed by a glorious eight-page pin-up gallery, completely alternate artwork for one of the segments, “Low Rent Housing,” and finishes off with some gushing words from Lindsay. The whole package clocks in at 140 pages and is recommended to be read all in one sitting with some wafers and a glass of red wine.

Available from Indie Horizon.

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