Saw IV
Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman
Starring Tobin Bell, Lyriq Bent
Rated R
Walking out of the latest sour headache of a Saw movie, I was consumed by a single question: Why are people going to see these movies? They’re cynical, depressing, and not that whole “fun” thing one would associate with Halloween. Now I’m not gonna say a couple of them aren’t decent, but they use up the same tricks over and over again and thrive on shallow, rusty shit. So why do people want to hurt the horror genre to the extent that they’re willing to shell over their ticket money every final weekend in October like clockwork? In three days, Saw IV made more money than the infinitely superior 30 Days of Night did in nine days. So with all the bellyaching I hear about how these movies suck, why do people still go?
Why do they hate America?
I have a couple of theories. I think some might wish to stay on the crest of the pop culture wave. If they don’t see it when everyone else does, what on earth will they talk about at work on Monday? Or hanging out with their friends that night? And I have nothing to tell these people other than “You’re fucking worthless, you’re dragging the curve down, stop going to the movies, you don’t deserve them.”
But there is another theory all the more sinister. These movies just might be attended by a whole bunch of unpaid Internet movie-humps like me, hoping to drum up some late October readers for whatever site or blog they post their stuff on. And they are read by OTHER unpaid Internet movie-humps looking for commiseration on the pissery and moanery of “HAVING” to see Saw IV. If this is the case, then I’ll be a man and admit it. I’m part of the problem.
What with all my waxing theoretic, I forgot about the actual movie. Fourth verse, same as first, second, and third!
Gory trap, development of characters we don’t give a shit about, gory trap, flashback, gory trap, the introduction of a time limit, gory trap, flashback, gory trap, wildly implausible ending, door left open for sequel, credits.
Aw, and I spoiled it for you.
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