
DISCLAIMER: I hate spoilers and the people who spout them. I most especially hate the people who spout them without acknowledging that there are other people in the world who might not want to have every detail of a movie revealed to them before they even buy their ticket. So, for anyone who has not been following the advertising campaign for the Batman Begins sequel, The Dark Knight… For anyone who may be visiting Geeks of Doom for the first time and maybe hasn’t seen all the headlines…
And for anyone who may still be in denial, unwilling to acknowledge the great big character spoiler that everyone else seems so eager to shout out at the top of their lungs… I advise you to read no further.
Don’t let the bastards ruin it for you, too.
(also, if you haven’t seen either of the X-Men sequels, you may want to avoid the first paragraph)
Remember the first time you saw X2? How it was this really good, heavily anticipated summer blockbuster sequel that in NO WAY advertised or even hinted at the possibility of killing off Jean Grey and setting the stage for the Phoenix Saga until your ass was in the seat and you were watching her burst into flames for the first time?
Remember how that felt?
What’s the name of that feeling…? It’s been so long since I’ve felt it that I’ve nearly forgotten… but it’s right on the tip of my–
Oh yeah. SURPRISE.
Remember what a surprise is?
It’s that thing a good story is supposed to provide a little bit of before it’s over. That little something extra that gets you EXCITED and makes you EAGER to watch/read/listen to something again and again! It’s the reason movie studios number and name their scripts. It’s the thing production assistants with loose lips get FIRED for.
Surprise is the lynchpin of good storytelling.
But here’s the rub… You can’t have a good surprise without a secret.
A seeeecreeet.
You know. That thing marketing firms build their entire careers off of DESTROYING!
I mean… Jeebus H. Fuckity Christmas, I can at least SOMEwhat understand Marvel/Universal’s insistence on revealing 90% of their new Hulk flick in tiny “sneak peek” snippets all over the internet. The first movie didn’t do well. People were worried this one would be a repeat performance. The studio wants to make sure everyone knows the new movie is a different creature entirely… so, naturally, they go to great lengths to OVERSTUFF every entertainment outlet imaginable with over-informative trailers and clips from every exciting moment in the entire freaking movie, just to PROVE how much better this one will be.
(Which is sort of like watching a 13-year-old repeatedly yell the word “FUCK” just to prove he’s a grown-up now.)
Needless? Maybe.
Overkill? DEFINITELY.
But not entirely without reason.
Batman, though?
The Dark fucking Knight??
I mean, seriously, what the fuck?? Why is the name “Two-Face” even being SPOKEN in this marketing campaign?!?
They have the Joker! They have Heath Ledger’s LAST PERFORMANCE ON FILM, and he’s playing one of pop culture’s most ICONIC villains — for which he apparently turns in a brilliant performance!
The marketing for this movie was CLINCHED the minute the first teaser hit the airwaves! This is the Batman/Joker showdown EVERYONE has been waiting eleven years for! It’s the ONLY conflict anyone has been aware of, and it’s all they needed! I can guaren-fucking-TEE you that by the end of that first full-length trailer, anyone who wasn’t already 100% sold on seeing this movie, wasn’t gonna see it at all. Nothing short of a Batman/Joker LOVE scene was going to net this movie any more viewers…
And yet, the marketing department couldn’t stop there. Noooo, their grand epic of a campaign to convince the world The Dark Knight might actually be worth seeing wasn’t done yet! They needed to show us more. More drama, more action, more characters…
They just needed to show us Two-Face.
They just needed to confirm his presence in the film.
Just giving us Harvey Dent wasn’t enough. No, that would be too subtle. It would only get people talking and give the fans who UNDERSTOOD the significance of his name an excuse to get even more ravenous about the movie than they already were. It would only plant a seed of curiosity that would have audiences screaming in their chairs if and when the big moment finally happened and this character’s significance was revealed. Or, better yet, for those who had NO expectations whatsoever, who weren’t automatically anticipating the big transformation, it would be the DC movie universe’s equivalent of putting Jean Gray outside the blackbird at the end of X2.
But no. Not even making sure that he was played by an A list actor with a strong following — pretty much GUARANTEEING that his role would be more than just a quick cameo — caused enough buzz for the marketeers, no sir.
They just couldn’t leave well-enough alone.
And now that the cat is finally out of the bag… now that Two-Face has been confirmed… now that everyone can get used to the idea that there is a second villain in The Dark Knight, LONG before the movie’s release date…
Now, these people who, I swear to you, think they’re doing you a fucking FAVOR by leaving no secrets for you to discover on your own… now these fuckers have gone and done the ONE thing they never should have done.
They’ve gone and taken the spotlight off of the villain that SHOULD be getting all the press.
Congratulations, geniuses. Way to honor an artist’s final work.
This is the reason I close my eyes and plug my fuckin’ ears fifteen minutes before the movie starts in a theater.
Rant over.