Mjolnir, the hammer of Thor, is easily one of the most powerful weapons in the Marvel Universe and one of the most coveted, along with maybe the Silver Surfers’ surfboard and maybe Jarvis (come on having your own butler, please…). So with the Thor out in theaters I started to consider what I’d do if I had that badass hammer. Now, I’m a caring guy of course so I’d wanna bring the rain to the parched and crush some evil here and there, but there are also those guilty pleasure sorts of things that would just be fun.

There’s the five things I’m thinking of right about now. So head down the rainbow bridge with me and let’s talk five things that would just be fun to do with that hammer of Thor.

5. Strike a Godlike Pose: Thor really knows how to do the “God Pose” and I believe it’s the hammer. I’ll look awesome. Wait wait, are you saying I won’t? That requires a lightning bolt to the backside. ::: KRAKOOM!!!! ::: Still saying I don’t look awesome? See, it works!

4. Irritate My Friends: I’d just pick the hammer up, wave it around, maybe spin it by the leather strap ,and put it down. Then I’d just laugh and laugh as they struggle to try and pick it up with no success all Excalibur-style. Good times, good times.

3. Rain on Your Parade: Literally rain on your parade. Damn traffic is awful during a parade so I’d just call up a little rain storm, just long enough to clear a path. Then I’d be on my way! I’m sorry but parades usually suck and it’s no fun waiting in parade traffic when all you want is some dinner!

2. Tenderize Some Good Steaks: Come on that big ass hammer could tenderize the cheapest piece of beef out there. Not only would one well-placed strike make that rib eye melt in your mouth tender, but a quick controlled thunderbolt would cook it too! Who needs a grill when we’ve got good ol’ Mjolnir? Let’s eat!

1. Impress the Ladies: That’s all it would take right? In the club you just whip it out and say “Just look at this freaking badass hammer! It’s engraved and everything!” What, you don’t think that would work? Then the backup plan would be to rip the place apart Carrie-style with god-sized lightning bolts.

What are your five guilty pleasure things you’d like to do with Thor’s hammer?