In a desperate attempt that’s sure to surprise everyone in the comic book community, DC Comics is planning a RE-relaunch of their entire line of comic books to boost sales and appeal to new readers with The New New 52.

The breaking news came not at this weekend’s popular Northwest convention Emerald City Comic Con, which DC decided to skip altogether, but rather from flyers handed out by costumed superheroes today, April 1, 2012, at the Meadowlands Expo Center in Secaucus, NJ, to confused attendees of the Tony Robbins Unleash The Power Within seminar.

And I’ve got to say that I’m utterly shocked by this recent turn events. Yes, it seems that the sales that were being reported on DC’s recent relaunch on their entire line of comics was not as spectacular as we all thought, as they’re going back to the well one more time and introducing a new line up of comics, and you may be surprised by the results as the comic titles released are not what any of us would have expected to see. In fact, most of the superhero comics are long gone and replaced with several unknown titles that are made to appeal to separate groups of the non-comics reading public. Sure, the mainstays are here, but that’s about it. So, are you ready to check out the new list that will be debuting in July? I hope you’re sitting down.

Batman Comics

I am Batman - Chronicling his work as a professional wrestler, CM Punk tells the story of his rise to popularity and the similarities between his life and the life of The Dark Knight. Written by CM Punk, art by Jill Thompson.

Yellow Robin – Stephanie Brown returns to DC Comics as the one true Robin. Written and drawn by Brenda Kirk of Geektress.com.

Breakin’ Out On My Own – The story of Dick Grayson and how he went from sidekick to superhero. Written by Christianford McDavid with art from Gilliam H. Willis.

Bat-Mite and The Fifth Dimension – Follow Bat-Mite as he explores the fifth dimension with friends like Ace The Bat Hound, Batwoman Kathy Kane, and Grant Morrison himself! Written by Matt Fraction with art by Humberto Ramos.

Batman: The Dark Knight – Same as current. Written and drawn by David Finch.

Detective Comics – Same as current. Written and drawn by Tony S. Daniel.

Superman Comics

I Am Superman – Chronicling the similarities between the life and times of John Cena and The Last Son of Krypton. Written by John Cena, with art from Jerry “The King” Lawler.

Superchick: Boys, College, and Punching Jerks – A teen book focusing on the personal life of Kara Zor El’s life on Earth. Written by Brian Wood with art from Ryan Kelly.

Superboy – Connor Kent doesn’t like you, he likes brooding and wolf dogs. Inspired by Young Justice. Creative team TBA.

Green Lantern Comics

Hi I’m Green Lantern, Wanna Hook Up? – Embracing the douchey nature of Halvin Jordan, Geoff Johns takes the reins to appeal to all of those dudes in Affliction T-shirts as Jordan constantly searches for dates in the DC Universe. And if they don’t feel like it, there’s always plan B. Written by Geoff Johns with art from Doug Mahnke.

Space Cops – Telling the humorous tale of the Green Lantern Corps as they police the skies. Written by Kevin Smith with art by his buddy Walter Flanagan.

Wonder Woman Comics

Wonder Woman – Finally giving Wonder Woman the attention and respect she deserves, this story tells the story of Wonder Woman the way it should be told. Written by Sue from DCWomenKickingAss.tumblr.com with art by Cliff Chiang.

The Ballad of Etta Candy – What’s it like being a normal girl in the presence of a goddess? Find out as Gail Simone and Greg Rucka write the story. Art is by Marcus To.

Steve Trevor: Super Fool – We all know that Steve Trevor is an idiot, it’s time to find out why. Written by Ed Brubaker with art from Sean Phillips.

Gods and Monsters – Grant Morrison and Chris Burnham team up to tell the backstory of where Wonder Woman truly came from.

We’re Totes Making A Movie, Don’t Worry – Movie tie-in to recently announced Wonder Woman movie that’s coming in 2013. Written by Dan DiDio, Geoff Johns, and Jim Lee, art by Jim Lee with inkings from Frank Miller.

WW – The story of Wonder Woman’s family and how they advance society through science. Written by Jonathan Hickman, artist is TBA.

Bringing Up The Past

Justice League Team Up 2012 – The greatest heroes of the comics team up with loads of celebrities and sports stars to defeat evil in all its forms. In the first story arc, the Justice League travels back in time to team up with “The Macho Man” Randy Savage to defeat the likes of Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair, who constantly try to steal his girlfriend. Written by Hunter Camp with art from Mick Foley.

Finishing The Fourth World – The Fourth World saga has never been completed, and with the power of “TECHNOLOGY” this will finally get finished. DC Comics announced that they had been concocting a formula to reanimate the dead, which solves all problems. Written and drawn by zombie Jack Kirby.

Watchmen: Ongoing – In the wake of the massively successful Before Watchmen, which hasn’t been released yet, the biggest names in the industry are taking hold of some of the most interesting and best characters of all time. Written by Dan DiDio, Geoff Johns, Jim Lee, Grant Morrison, Kevin Smith, J. Michael Straczynski, Dan Slott, and Brian Michael Bendis. Art is by Jeff Lemire and Dave Gibbons.

Tiny Watchmen – Watchmen for kids! Written and drawn by Art Baltazar and Franco!

This is the entirety of the list that was given out today, but make sure to stay tuned to both Geeks of Doom and DC Comics to find out the rest of the titles they’ll sure to be announcing today, a great day to reveal a major re-relaunch like The New New 52.