Disgusted with the rich empty suits currently in the running, the Republican Party is now looking to the world of heavy metal for the right candidate to put up as leader of the free world. RNC Chairman Reinhold Reince Priebus was quoted today, April 1, 2012, as saying, “We like Ted Nugent because he’s into guns and stuff, but Dave Mustaine is really the perfect combination of extremist vitriol and worldwide appeal. I mean, Megadeth is really popular in other countries, so it’s like a no-brainer.”
The guitar-wielding wildly-maned Mustaine responded immediately to the call of duty by putting in his bid for election. “Well it’s about fucking time the world sees what greatness I have to offer it,” the Megadeth frontman said. “I mean, America would be so lucky to have me as President because I’m the only one who knows what the fuck is really going on around here.”
Nugent could not be reached for a comment as he was elbow-deep in a deer he was prepping for Sunday dinner.
Mustaine’s bid should come as no surprise to anyone, as it’s obvious that the heavy metal mainstay has been eying the Presidential position, presumably out of spite, since 1986 after someone had the audacity to tell him he couldn’t hold the office, as evidenced from his lyrics in the Megadeth song “Peace Sells… But Who’s Buying?”: “What do you mean I couldn’t be the President of the United States of America?”
The musician turned politician has yet to reveal details of his official platform, but he would like to mandate that all starving African women who can’t afford to have children “put a plug in it”. He also promises to form a task force to find out, once and for all, “Who’s Buying?”
Additional contributing by Empress Eve. Image Credit: Dave3
UPDATE: FYI, in case some of you didn’t know, today is April Fool’s Day, the international day of all seriousness.