Game Of Thrones
Episode 5.6 “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken”
Directed by Jeremy Podeswa
Written by Bryan Cogman
Starring Emilia Clarke, Peter Dinklage, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Lena Headey, Aidan Gillen, Kit Harington, Natalie Dormer, Sophie Turner, Dean-Charles Chapman, Jonathan Pryce
HBO
Air date: Sunday, May 17, 2015, 9pm

Spoilers ahead for Season 5 of Game Of Thrones…

Last week’s Game Of Thrones, Episode 5.5 “Kill The Boy,” dealt with Jon Snow (Kit Harington) and the tough choices he has to make now that he is Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch, including turning down Stannis’s tempting offer to legitimized him and aligning with the Wildlings against the White Walkers. We also learned about sadist Ramsey Bolton’s illegitimate conception and his father’s current plans to face Stannis in battle once the latter attacks Winterfell. On the other side of the world, Jorah Mormont (Iain Glen) took his captive Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) passed the haunted, ruined city of old Valyria, the ancestral home of the Targaryens, where they not only see the dragon Drogon flying overhead, but also come face-to-face with the Stone Men, the results of which won’t be good for Jorah. Meanwhile, in Meereen, ruler Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke) dished out more harsh justice after an attack on her men by the Sons of the Harpy ended in the severe injury of Unsullied leader Grey Worm and the death of her trusted protector Ser Barristan Selmy.

This week on Episode 5.6 “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken,” Daenerys is on hiatus, but Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey) and her unlimited supply of wine are back — and so are her usual manipulations. The Queen Mother has rid King’s Landing of nearly everyone who would oppose her, except for Queen Margaery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer), but don’t worry, she had a plan her new her daughter-in-law. A few episodes ago, we saw Cersei appoint the High Sparrow as the new High Septon and had his religious zealot followers armed as the newly revived Faith Militants. Their first order of business was the cleanse King’s Landing of all the heathens by way of killing or rounding up its citizens, including Queen Margaery’s brother Loras on charges of buggery and more. While the Tyrell family is outraged by Loras’ imprisonment, not even powerful House Tyrell matriarch Lady Olenna (Diana Riggs) can do anything about it. When Olenna has a sit down with Cersei, the Queen Mother doesn’t even flinch. Later, at Loras’ inquest, which is obviously rigged, the Queen gets brought up on charges of perjury after she defends her brother.

And there it is – Cersei has Margaery out of the way. Not that it really matters. Tommen (Dean-Charles Chapman) sat at the inquest quiet and scared after his wife, who was shouting out his name for help, was taken away. Tommen is king in name only; Cersei is the true ruler. Though Cersei has always been good at playing the game of thrones — look at how fast she got Ned Stark out of the way in Season 1 — now she has no man in her life standing in her way, including her twin brother/lover Jaime. Jaime likely would do nothing to stop Cersei, but perhaps she sees the change in him since his return from captivity as a one-handed man and doesn’t want him to truly see what’s she’s capable of.

Off in Dorne, Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and Ser Bronn of the Blackwater (Jerome Flynn), disguised as Dornishmen, finally make their way to House Martell, where Cersei’s (and Jaime’s) young, innocent daughter Myrcella and her betrothed Prince Trystane Martell reside. We see the young lovers in the gardens planning their future together when Uncle Jaime surprisingly comes along, and at the perfect time too, because here come the Sand Snakes, the bastard daughters of Prince Prince Oberyn Martell, the Red Viper. The Sand Snakes blame the Lannisters for the death of their father and since current Dorne ruler Doran Martell will not go to war, it’s up to these warrior women to take revenge by harming Myrcella. In this scene, we get to see Jaime do battle with the impressive Sand Snakes, who thankfully are stopped in their tracks by the guards. Unfortunately, this also means that Jaime and Bronn are now captured.

Speaking of captives – Tyrion Lannister is still being held by Jorah, who plans to take the dwarf to Daenerys. But, there’s a problem. After their boat capsized in Valyria, they’ve had to make their way on foot, subsisting on roots and berries. And since that area frightens away most travelers, it’s not looking too good for this duo, who it seems are the new “buddy show” for this season (last season was the Continuing Adventures of Arya and the Hound). Tyrion’s wit makes him perfect for this position and comes in handy when, would you believe it, slavers show up! While Jorah could be useful to them, a dwarf is not, but apparently his cock is — it has magical powers! Tyrion convinces them that they can’t kill him yet, because how would the merchant know it comes from a dwarf unless he sees the dwarf? “It will be a dwarf-sized cock,” one of the Slavers answers, to which Tyrion replies, “Guess again.” Oh, Tyrion, you are so awesome. Let’s hope they don’t find a cock merchant any time soon.

At the House of Black and White, Arya Stark (Maisie Williams) continues her duties of cleaning corpses, what for she still does not know. She wants to start her training to become one of the Faceless, but she’s not being told anything and doesn’t know what’s expected of her. She wants to play “the game” but has failed several times already. She’s not ready to become “no one” yet, she’s told. Finally, one night, Jaqen H’ghar (Tom Wlaschiha) comes to her and asks her who she is. She tells him she’s Arya, the daughter of Ned Stark of Winterfell, and goes on to tell her tale of how she came to be there, but she changes a few aspects. But Jaqen can tell when the girl lies. Of interest here is when Arya says she hated The Hound, the man who captured her and planned to sell her, Jaqen swats her, calling her a liar. She insists that she did hate the Hound, but Jaqen hits her again. Tired of being hit, Arya says she doesn’t want to play the game anymore, but they’ve never stopped playing it, Jaqen tells her. In the end, she’s finally granted entrance to the chamber of the Faceless Men.

Back over in King’s Landing, Lord Petyr Baelish aka Littlefinger (“ŽAidan Gillen) arrives back to the capital on Cersei’s summons to find his brothel has been shut down and those pesky militants are armed and dangerous. They’re there to great him upon his return to tell him what’s what. Like Tyrion, Littlefinger knows how to talk, which proves fortuitous when he goes to meet Cersei. Looks like she’s beckoned him there simply to find out if the Knights of the Vale will fight on her side if there’s another war, since Lord Baelish’s stepson is now the Lord of the Vale (there’s brief conversation about Lysa Arryn – who Cersei calls “thoroughly repellent” – that was quite amusing). Since Littlefinger has always counseled loyalty to the crown, she has no reason to worry, he says. (HA HA HA HA!). Is Littlefinger the cleverest person in the entire Land of Ice and Fire? I believe so.

Luckily for Littlefinger, somehow, word never reached the Queen Mother that Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner) was actually with Lord Baelish in the Vale all that time and that he delivered her to the Boltons in Winterfell before his return to King’s Landing. Littlefinger gives Cersei the scoop that his “spies” told him that Sansa is alive and well now in Winterfell betrothed to Ramsey Bolton, who’s father Roose is the current Warden of the North (after Ramsey took Winterfell back from the Greyjoys). This is a slap in the face to the Lannisters, who are the ones who gave Roose the position after he killed the Starks at the Frey wedding.

And that brings us to yet another wedding! And, again, no one died. Wow, this is starting to become a habit. But, it might have been better had someone died, because being married off to psycho Ramsey is a fate worse than death. Before her nighttime outdoor wedding in the snow in the freezing North in the godswood (who was the wedding planner here???), Sansa is visited by Myranda, who’s there to draw her a bath. Remember Myranda (the crazy bitch)? We’ve known for a while now that Sansa needs to watch her back with this woman, who is extremely jealous and thought she’d be Ramsey’s wife (back when he was still a bastard). As Myranda washes the black dye from Sansa’s red hair, we wonder if that symbolizes the return of Sansa’s vulnerability, but it’s going to take more than little old Myranda to rattle the true heir to Winterfell. Unfortunately, that “more” comes in the form of new husband Ramsey on their wedding night, where he forces “Reek” — the shell of a man Theon Greyjoy has been tortured into becoming — to watch him crudely consummate his marriage to Sansa. Oh, Sansa, why oh why are you so cursed? Please poison this sick piece of shit the first change you get.

I was really hoping that at some point Theon would confess to Sansa that he never really killed her younger brothers Bran and Rickon. While he did betray her brother Robb when he back to the Iron Islands to fight for his father, you can almost (almost) forgive him for that, since the Starks took him as a ward — really a hostage — after his father lost a battle against Ned Stark. But Sansa believes that Theon killed her brothers, which is something she can’t forgive. In order for fans to not go completely insane with this torturous storyline, Theon has to tell Sansa the truth, and then redeem himself with her by helping her kill Ramsey. (PLEASE!!!!!!!!)

By the way, did we just make it through an entire episode of Game Of Thrones with no nudity???

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