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TV Review: Sharknado 5: Global Swarming
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Sharknado 5 Global Swarming

Sharknado 5: Global Swarming
Directed by Anthony C Ferrante
Written by Thunder Levin, Scotty Mullen
Starring Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Cassandra Scerbo, Masiela Lusha, Cody Linley, Charo, Chris Kattan, Fabio, Olivia Newton-John
SyFy | Asylum Productions
Release Date: Sunday, August 6th, 2017, 8:00pm ET

The most wonderful time of the summer is upon us; it’s Sharknado Time! Back in 2013, the Asylum produced the first Sharknado and it “stormed” social media and became an overnight sensation. Here we are, 4 films later ready for the fifth installment of the franchise that helped resurrect the careers of Ian Ziering and Tara Reid. These films are very dear to me, as this marks my 4-year anniversary writing and reviewing for Geeks of Doom. The Sharknado franchise checks all the boxes: sharks, disaster movies, celebrity cameos, hilariously awful special effects… in other words, it’s event TV. This time, the ‘nado has gone global!

Let’s be real, reviewing Sharknado 5: Global Swarming in the same way you review other films or television series it just pointless. You knew years ago from the title alone if these movies were for you. This is now an annual American event, like Discovery Channel’s Shark Week. Fans gather to watch the ridiculousness, laugh at the cameos, and see what crazy stuff the creators come up with next.

The opening this time involves Indiana Jones-style title cards and Nova (Cassandra Scerbo) discovering ancient markings in a cave… near Stonehenge that show sharknados have been happening on earth since the dawn of time. One thing I love about this series, they spend so little on the actual effects, but certainly have a great travel budget. They shot all over the world for Global Swarming, including Japan, Bulgaria, London, and Rome.

The crux of the plot for this installment is the sharknados can now transport you around the world, and Fin (Ziering) and April (Reid) lost their son Little Gil (Billy Barratt) inside the teleporting ‘nado. Thankfully he was equipped with a shark fin protective helmet with a built-in tracker so they can teleport around searching for him… because the sharks eat everyone except these three main characters. These teleportation scenes are some of the craziest things I’ve seen from the films. I can only imagine the writers’ room: “Ok, so Christ the Redeemer gets sucked into a sharknado… but then throws their car through the vortex and they land in the Colosseum!” And yes, that happens, because of course it does.

Rather than go into more detail, I’m going to list some of my favorite moments and quotes below:

  • Nova’s all-female/supermodel Sisterhood group asks Fin if he’s cave dived before; his response, “I’ve done everything before.”
  • Tara Reid is basically Darth Vader with blonde hair and lipstick. There’s even a scene where she’s rebuilt by the Sisterhood, that is hilariously like Anakin’s transformation scene in Revenge of the Sith. This leads to some amazing lines like, “I’m a lot of thing Fin but I’m not a human helicopter.” Spoiler… she can be.
  • After teleporting and landing in Australia’s shark infested waters, Nova’s reaction actually made me laugh out loud, “I forgot they came from here.”
  • After gathering barrels of nuclear waste, a nuclear sharknado rampages through Japan leading a man to yell, “Shark-Zilla!”
  • Sharknado 5: Global Swarming is exactly what you want, pure silly fun, cameos galore (watch Prime Minister of England, Chris Kattan, get “Ahab-ed” by a hammerhead shark), and a total sense that everyone on board with this production is having a great time.

    There were actually some clever in jokes and references for the careful eyed viewer, as well as some of the blatant product placements I can remember. It’s so nice to be able to simply turn your brain off and enjoy totally irreverent TV. As serious as shows like Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead take themselves, I love living in a world where there’s an annual Sharknado.

    See ya next summer!

    Follow me on Twitter.

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