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Movie Review: Good Luck Chuck
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Dr. Royce Clemens   |  
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Good Luck Chuck movie posterI said I wanted to upgrade the finger and so from now on people should use both the ring finger coupled with the middle finger. I called it the SUperFInger. -Revelation 4:2

I hate Dane Cook. It’s no secret, really. But like many of my pop culture enemies, I once rooted for him to do good so I could look at him differently and… Ya know… Learn something. I watched his HBO special, which looked to me like a red-assed howler monkey with a metrosexual haircut shrieking at the top of his lungs, telling long and unfunny stories that didn’t have a point and didn’t really go anywhere. I saw Employee of the Month… And soaked my eyes in bleach immediately afterwards. But that was just a bad movie. I heard good things about Mr. Brooks, so I went into Good Luck Chuck with an open mind, waiting to be convinced of the MySpace comic phenomenon.

I’m not rooting for him anymore, and my reaction to this… THING… manifests itself in more than hate and now actually resembles a borderline obsession with bloodthirsty revenge. Good Luck Chuck is beyond horrible, so much so that the light from “horrible” would take SIX TRILLION FUCKING YEARS to reach it, kind of like stars from far off in the universe. It’s offensive, but not the fun offensive like the movie it’s trying to ape off of (There’s Something About Mary). It hates women with such virulence that even Eli Roth might call this movie on going too far. To put it as succinctly as I can…

If you like Good Luck Chuck, you’re going to hell. Sorry. And I’m an atheist saying this, so think about what THAT means.

Cook stars as Charlie, a guy who was hexed by a spurned Goth girl during a game of spin the bottle when he was ten. The hex entails that every woman he’s ever with winds up dumping him and marrying the next guy she meets. The news of this gets out when he’s an adult and he has to beat women off with a stick, because if they bone him, they’ll get married.

At first he isn’t convinced of the authenticity of this curse, but the evidence stacks up. This is bad news for his hopeful relationship with Cam (Jessica Alba), the comely, nubile, and frighteningly klutzy penguin expert at the local aquarium.

A film like Good Luck Chuck isn’t made, so much as perpetrated, like the seedy murder of a pimp in a dingy alley. EVERYTHING goes wrong. To start, this movie is so insatiably sexist that it just ASSUMES that women are so eager to enter into a life of indentured servitude, cleaning the shit stains out of dude’s drawers, and birthing their spawn that they will enter random sexual encounters on just the OFF-CHANCE that they’ll get their day with the ring and the dress. Remember when a woman’s dignity used to mean something? I shouldn’t be surprised, really, because Good Luck Chuck is produced by Tracey Edmonds, whose fiancée is none other than Eddie (Norbit) Murphy. They’re PERFECT for each other!

And yes, there are naked breasts in this movie, if that’s what you were thinking of asking. How does it feel, not being man enough for real porn?

But they’re not Jessica Alba’s breasts, so you’re gonna have to wait until she makes a few more bombs to see those. I’d call Alba the “bright spot” of Good Luck Chuck, but that’s only because unlike every other actor in the film, she’s not actively horrible. I have a hard time differentiating between “maintaining dignity” and “taking up space like she usually does.” And sure, she’s pretty, but you can get THAT at the mall. Talent, please?

Good Luck Chuck also saddles us with Dr. Stu (Dan Fogler), the plastic surgeon who is Charlie’s best friend. Every line Fogler chokes out serves no other purpose than to annoy the ever-loving shit out of me. He plays a sexual retard that fucks grapefruit and shrieks almost everything he says. I learned that he is a Tony Award-winning actor, and I think maybe he should stick to the New York stage… Because I don’t live in New York, and will never have to see him again.

Which brings us to Dane Cook. Never have I seen a more pathetic romantic leading man in my entire life. Seriously. I got caught up by a train for a half hour after this movie and I just sat there and thought. No one came to mind. He has no charm, he has no chemistry with anyone else in any of the movies I’ve seen him in, and his attempts at sincerity consist of leering like a pervert and glaring like a stalker. And in the third act he goes back into Crack-Chimp mode, thus resulting in a headache that hasn’t gone away yet.

I used to think Dane Cook was just a hacky, overrated, joke stealing comedian who was only favored by blockheaded frat boys and the occasional smart person (like Eve). But now I am almost convinced that he is none other than The Antichrist himself. I can just see the comments if this ever gets on Digg. There will be some who agree with me while some will call for my blood, giving the SU-FI to their monitors. They may get in a huge flame war because the liking and hating of Dane Cook is a deeply held principle on both sides. And already he shall be doing the Antichrist’s work.

Pitting man against his brother, till man exists no more…

Zero stars out of 4
Rated R
Directed by Mark Helfrich

  • Jerry

    I don’t really get Dane Cook either.

  • Tony DeFrancisco

    “Good Luck Chuck also saddles us with Dr. Stu (Dan Fogler), the plastic surgeon who is Charlie’s best friend. Every line Fogler chokes out serves no other purpose than to annoy the ever-loving shit out of me. He plays a sexual retard that fucks grapefruit and shrieks almost everything he says. I learned that he is a Tony Award-winning actor, and I think maybe he should stick to the New York stage… Because I don’t live in New York, and will never have to see him again.”

    You said it better than what I ever could.

  • This is one of the best reviews of anything I’ve ever read. And you just saved me 20 bucks (my wife wanted to see it). Thanks, and rock the fuck on.

  • Aubrey

    wow. thank you. i need to show this to one of my co-workers. if given the chance i thoroughly believe he would suck off dane cook and brag about it. this may very well be the greatest movie review ever written.

  • ftfdeath

    Wow, you preach yet you sin as much as others.

  • LOL … Sexist

    Haha… that was hilarious. I took it seriously for the first paragraph but after that I realized this was a joke. It was hilarious two thumbs up! I mean nobody could go to a comedy movie and actually believe it’s meant as some sort of ideological propaganda against women. It couldn’t POSSIBLY be that the women are well… desperate? And OF COURSE nobody is desperate for affection, not ever. You had me going for a bit, then it dawned on me that there is no way anyone could take a comedy movie so seriously. Boy is my face red. I think it’s because you started out with such a clear lack of humor that you manage to convince me this was a real review. I look forward to reading your next parody of a review!

  • Chuck

    This reviewer is educated? What a nasty mouth, and for an atheist, he or she certainly makes a lot of religious references. Someone once said something like, ‘No one believes in God so much as the atheist who protests too much’. If that is the case, this reviewer must not only be deeply religious, but also head-over-heels in love with Dane Cook.

  • rswankster@gmail.com write it if you think differently

    The movie was hilarious. It was one of the best comedy movies ever created and if you think any different then you have no sense of humor… Dumbass

  • Dan

    i whole-heartedly agree. I used to like Dane Cook.

    but now…i find him one of the most over-rated annoying comics on the face of the earth.

    Amen to you for having the balls to put your anti-cook views on the net!

  • Drood

    Shit like this movie NEEDS TO DIE! The endless river of shit cascading out of Hollywood and onto the big screen has to end. This, that fucking “Are We There Yet”… All these cinematic attrocities need to end, and those involved need to be killed. (And I realise the awesome John C. McGinley was in the last movie mentioned, but sorry, it’s a sweeping condemnation. Seeya Doctor Cox.)

    What REALLY fucks me over with all this is movies like this rake in a metric shitload of money, thus ensuring we get MORE of this shit. And when something inventive, or at the very least different makes it onto the screen, like “Grindhouse”, what happens? The stupid fucking douchbags that ensure Dane Cook’s career continues keep their hands away from their wallets.

    Fuck experimentation in film making, or an actual moviegoing experience. No, far better to give Dane Cook your money.

    YOU STUPID FUCKERS!

  • Vash

    Dude, This is the best review ever, I am so fantastically happy that someone in some public forum is finally calling Cook out on his unfunniness! That HBO special was the worst, not one laugh, and the whole styling of it was badly stolen from better comics who aren’t as “pretty”……
    I used to play Xbox 360 with Cook through a mutual friend, and he would bitch and moan like a little girl, it made everyone who played with him sick. btw if anyone wants to pester him, the gamer tag is DANECOOK …….not narcissistic is he?

  • I understand severely disliking Dane Cook. I understand hating this movie to death. What I don’t get is saying the movie somehow hates women, because it shows them being cursed by some silly thing or another.

    It seems akin to the portrayal of spiders in movies and TV is just SO INSIDIOUS because they tend to be shown biting people.

    It’s just a hook in a lackluster movie. Be mad at the culture that won’t pay attention to a woman unless she’s got big tits.

    Calling the foul on this movie for that is a tad overreaching, and pretty silly. At best, it’s a stupid premise.

  • john

    Someone is PMSing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Go take your midol or something .. or don’t visit the movies, download the movies and you won’t regret it .. I’m not gonna say you wasted 5 minutes of my life because I had nothing else to do, but you definitely killed 10 braincells .. thanks.

    By the way, I haven’t seen the movie, I’m not a Dane Cook fan, nor am I a Jessica Alba’s fan .. I’m your regular troll.

  • Jonie Dow

    Oh get real its just a comedy, made to be silly and unrealistic. To be silly enough to try to compare this to real life shows your lack of humor and the fact that you TAKE YOURSELF WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. Shows an assumption that you matter to anyone other then yourself.

  • This movie will sell for the scene where Jessica Alba’s pants get ripped off. Let’s not try to pretend that it’s the story that’s going to get people in to see this movie. The audience knows this, the producers know it, the actors know it, and yes the advertisers know it too – since that scene is deliberately put in just to rouse interest (among others things ;) ).

  • i personally don’t read reviews on movies except for the plots because people take them personally and think that they are higher than us who are pathetic peasant movie goers. and the athiest thing….seriously? “your going to hell… im an athiest saying that.” condeming someone to hell would first imply that you A). believe that a hell exists (why would you tell someone to go to an imaginary place? B.) that you indeed have the power to do so. (again saying that you are a god, or a god has given you the power do to so. further more proving that you are not an “athiest”. just thought i would help ya out bro.

    the PheoniX

  • Henry

    Hey, fella, don’t hold back, tell us how you really feel!

    Shame on me for reading this “review” by a 24 year old pischer who is so insecure in his identity that he has to call himself a doctor.

    How the FUCK did this CRAP psychotic rant get on the front page of DIGG anyhow? Anyone care to enlighten me?

  • Shawn P

    Hallelujah! Dane Cook is the worst. He’s the pre-packed, Britney Spears-like, no-talent equivalent to comedy, if that’s what you want to call it.

    Jessica Alba is his female equivalent. How can such a beautiful women be so sexless? She’s the girl that you want on your arm but after a day or two you realize she’s a turd. Beat it!

    The movie was doomed to suck and I’m grateful that it does. I’ve produced dueces that would get better reviews as they spiral down the bowl.

  • jkfan87

    99% of people who say that they hate Dane Cook now all masturbated to his stand up 2 years ago. He didn’t suddenly start to suck when you found out he stole from Louis CK. He ALWAYS sucked. And those who liked him before (and you know you did) sucked as well.

  • Kevin

    Another child trying to write…The movie can’t be as bad as your attempt at writting reviews.

  • achmed

    Wow. You’re fucking retarded.

  • I

    wow…blah blah blah thats all i hear from you. get off your high chair. if you can do such a better job writing or acting go do it and i doubt anybody will pay to hear you moan and whine. still haven’t seen it but i probably will. your writing and review is one big contradiction.
    “If you like Good Luck Chuck, you’re going to hell. Sorry. And I’m an atheist saying this, so think about what THAT means.”
    that means your a freakin idiot who doesn’t think before they speak and has a dane cook shrine in their closet. freak.

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  • Dane Cook sucks, I totally agree with this article, and I dugg it. But the author of the article got a little too serious with the movie. They were just playing around with the “all women want to be married” stereotype. It’s a movie, it’s fake, and it’s a comedy, don’t take it so seriously.

    Richie @ http://www.prankvidoez.com

  • Allen

    Wow, the author of this article reminds me of the guy who was told by a girl to “quit being such a little bitch about it,” in Super Bad. Honestly man, do you see any girls up in arms about the movie being sexist? Looks like you’re the only one. *cough* little bitch *cough*

  • wow, it’s like you took a memo from my brain. Every grip I had with this film is listed here. I might also add that no way in hell Dane and his friend could be doctors.

  • Mike

    How about you all just stfu and let someone have their opinion?

    I like Dane Cook a lot. But fuck, I’m not stupid enough to realize that his comedy is in fact very un-intelligent and is actually getting old rather quick. This movie can be one or the other, take this persons opinion as (guess what?) an opinion…

    Go see the movie if you want too, if not leave it the fuck alone.

    Welcome to criticism… If you like the movie, go see his next. If you don’t then fucking don’t go see another…

    Why don’t people realize it’s that simple? lol

  • I actually did see this.

    One more reason I need to start reading blogs on weekends.

  • … err you mean eomen arent like that… where’ve you been? all the women i know/have known are like that all dyeing to get into the dress pop out sproggs etc… no SERIOUSLY. if this isnt the case where you live then i need to move to get away from all the psycho biatches in Halifax UK!

  • SHAZAM!

    I especially like the fact that most of the pro-Cook arguments are phrased like ‘Your dum!!!!!!!!!asshole!!!!!’ and the anti-Cook folks actually form sentences and, you know, don’t rape the language.

    Review on, cap’n. Anyone who can’t endure a personal opinion on a public forum and recognize it as such is missing something far greater in their lives.

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  • This movie had more simulated sex in it than any softcore porn movie I ever saw on Skinemax. It surprises me that it hasn’t raised a stink for that alone.

    Is Dane Cook funny? I don’t know. I watch everything he does with the sound off so I can just watch him work a pair of jeans with that ass. Is the movie good? No, but I got to see that ass bare about 58 times, so I might by it and indeed jerk off to it as one commenter pointed out.

  • Joe Friday

    Dane Cook fans: Please explain why? What happened to you in your childhood that you find him funny? Have you not been exposed to comedians before? Are you all sexually attracted to him, for some reason?

    Great review: I could tell this much about the movie from the trailers. Jessica Alba is so. overated. You can get pretty at the mall – god@#@m right you can.

  • I’ve never listened to any of Cook’s stand up work or comedy tapes or seen him perform, but I enjoyed Employee of the Month. Don’t understand what the reviewer hated about that movie to bash it so much. I’ve not seen Good Luck Chuck yet, but the previews looked comical to me and, with having enjoyed his other movie, I’ll gladly go see this one to decide on my own. I think the reviewer needs to be a little more objective.

    Kirk Warren
    The Weekly Crisis

  • hazord

    Saw the movie and thought it was Meh! at best. Most of the movie is a sex scene that borderlines on porn. and the greatest part is we had 6 11-13 year old girls 2 rows ahead of this watching this. Making it a more uncomfortable movie then it already was.

    The fact that parents let there kids see this movie cause Dane cook is such a phenom on myspace that ever 8-13 year old think he’s “dreamy” is what made me the most annoyed about this movie. Theres so much fuck, Cock and Aggressive sex in an hour and a half than most movies late night on Skin-a-Max. oh and barely any dialog of decency.

    But in the end I didn’t mind the movie. they went about it all wrong I think. Hell I could’ve went for a censure chick flick and been amazed. But thats not what you get… basically bad porn thrown into a blender with dane cook

  • guidedbyvices

    you can’t justify going to see “good luck chuck” with a scathing review against it. you should have known what you were getting yourself into. you’ve sinned in the eyes of God.

    also, i think the reason women aren’t “up in arms” over this movies sexist nature (though i have not seen it, i’m just running with word of mouth here) is because what woman would want to see a dane cook anything? it’s dane cook. dane cook is for dude bros, and also the type of person who liked “tourgasm” — i don’t know what to call these people, but they probably exist somewhere, defying the natural order of things.

  • tony

    Dane Cook is an unfunny shitdick.

  • Anonymous

    That article wasn’t funny. Digg users are stupid.

  • Lynn

    Funny how all the pro-Dane Cook comments are full of spelling and grammar errors, proving that his fans are truly retarded.

  • annieb

    people even went to see this movie? i thought it was going straight to video….

    (pretty excited about the new SU FI move)

  • brownbomber

    This review is complete BS. The author is just playing off someone else’s success. Maybe the author should try shutting his fucking mouth and watch the movie instead of picking out every minor flaw. I also doubt that the author is an atheist. He is just using it to add emphasis and believability to his rant. I have seen the movie with my wife and found that there were around 5 minutes of unnecessary tits, other then that the story line was kind of predictable. This however did not decrease the humor. If you are going to complain about predictable outcomes and plot shifts then completely remove yourself from American cinema. This is just an example of some nobody movie critic trying to make his “mark” by having a predictable grudge against someone who he doesn’t even know. He is feeding off the success of someone else to boost his somewhat flaccid career. Your whole eyes in bleach thing is completely unoriginal and predictable.

    I personally find some of Dane Cook’s comedy funny, but I think that the critic and his target have more in common then this two dimensional leach would lead on. They both go on supposed long rants but at least Dane Cook seems to bring some humor and light handedness to people’s sometimes tense lives. You on the other hand are axing this guy, who doesn’t know you even exist, and bringing yet another source of heavy worded hatred. I understand that a majority of your wording is used for shock value and to be the guy who said the movie sucked the hardest. Good luck in your career that centers around BS.

  • Mike

    I fucking hate Dane Cook. But more importantly, I hate anyone who likes him or who didn’t like this review. Fuck Dane Cook and Fuck you too.

  • mo

    i always wondered how dane cook could be any worse.
    Then he started acting and singing

    talk about the triple crown of ass clowns!

  • Nick

    Of all the reasons to hate Dane Cook, and there are quite a few, I’m surprised no one mentioned the latest reason – that he was somehow lucky enough to be allowed to do romantic/love scenes with my darling angel Jessica. For this alone I shall detest his very existence forever…

  • As I predicted a month ago at Rapidsea, nothing says bad movie like penguin-screen-printed panties. I’m glad everybody agrees.

  • Rsxx

    Jessica wont show her tits ever. Been discussed a million times, not gonna happen.

    Didnt know Dane Cook came from myspace, but im not surprised: Nothing good comes from that site. Dont believe me? Go look up that little tramp tila tequila.

  • Good article, but some of your readers are fucking retarded…
    just because it’s a comedy doesn’t mean it can’t have a deeper meaning, because that’s sort of the actual point of media, to make people thing or something like that.

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  • Dave

    You probably heard that Mr. Brooks is good because Mr. Cook gets executed in it.

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  • Fruit Fly

    Grapefruit, don’t knock it ’till you try it.

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  • I am not a big Dane Cook fan myself. There is a strange connection in some cases between popularity and humor. In this case the more popular he becomes the less funny his humor.

  • sushi

    This movie wasn’t worth my time not to mention the $$$. Stupid movie, no humor, too many sex scenes.

  • lateddy

    I saw this movie and boy did I regret it! Awkward, terrible acting, dumb plot, like watching porn or something! Dane Cook is obnoxious and makes me look at him like a piece of dirt after he bangs about 70 million women. Gah. I would never see it again.

  • MATT

    It was a SHIT movie. Also the stereotypes were unbearable. NOT. FUNNY. AT. ALL!

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