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Spoiler Talk: Iron Man 2
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Guy_Jen   |  
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Iron Man 2Well pretty much everyone across the world has been anticipating this movie since Iron Man came out in 2008. I was definitely among that group and had very high expectations for Iron Man. In short I did enjoy myself and had fun watching it but it definitely did not live up to my extremely high expectations. I really wish it had and I also really wish it didn’t have so much set up for other movies in it and was just what it should have been, a sequel to a really great superhero movie.

All that aside we are here to have fun so I won’t harp on all the things I didn’t like about the movie. What I loved about both Iron Man and Iron Man 2 is the graphics and they definitely hold up in this go around just as much as the first one. I still love Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark and I pretty much love Mickey Rourke and Sam Rockwell in anything, even though Rourke was underused and Rockwell was just an annoying less-successful copy of Tony Stark. I also really love the addition of scenes with Clark Gregg, the mysterious agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., and new characterization of Howard Stark, played by a new favorite of mine John Slattery.

I still am a little shaky on the casting choice for Black Widow because I don’t buy Scarlett Johansson being as badass as Black Widow should be. Might as well have just cast Megan Fox in my opinion. I also didn’t necessarily agree with re-casting James Rhodes with Don Cheadle and didn’t see why it was a requirement since no one can seem to give a straight answer as to why it was done. I still like Don Cheadle as Rhodey but I don’t think it was the best for the movie. I also wasn’t sure why Jon Favreau decided to give himself a more prevalent role.

While this isn’t the best made movie or even the most fun I have had in the theater this year, I do suggest going to watch it just for a fun romp and a few great fight scenes. I enjoyed the movie overall and hope that if and when there is a third, that it is back up to par with the first.

Anyway, enough of the boring stuff, let’s get on with the SPOILER TALK! The following is my spoiler minefield for Iron Man 2 so step through it and don’t forget to drop a few mines of your own at the end of the post in our comments section.

SPOILERS

WARNING: If you have not seen Iron Man 2, do NOT read any further. There will be SPOILERS below.

-First off I want to know why Ivan Vanko cries like he is having a seizure while practicing his best impression of a Lex Luthor laugh. Second off what is with the oral fixation guy? I mean seriously how much junk could you have in your teeth that you could need a toothpick for that long.

-Ok this really needs to be my living room set up, blasting Shoot to Thrill by AC/DC and dancing models in Iron Lady Armor Bikinis. Seriously, can anyone hook that up for me?

-Holy crap Tony are you serious? I mean you are still a pompous ass? I mean didn’t you learn anything in Iron Man?

-Wait a second did anyone notice that we just totally got gypped on one of the best scenes of the entire trailer. “You complete me!”

-Stop the presses Olivia Munn cameo. WHO CARES! That really didn’t need to be such a big deal people!

-Okay there was a ton of product placement throughout this movie but I will just knock as much as I can remember right now because it was the first I noticed. C-Span, MSNBC, and pretty much every other news channel as well as some sort of handheld device that looks a lot like an Apple iPad.

-Is anyone else freaked out by the fact that the Stark Expo is apparently held for an entire year? Is that feasible? I mean seriously do people quit their jobs just to go to this thing?

-Ok now to whatever this hearing is and listening to Justin HAMMER talk about how the armor as a SWORD and a SHIELD, comic reference anyone? Second News flash everyone Rhodey got plastic surgery and shrunk like 6-8 inches. Nobody noticed? Holy crap, a government official can say F&@% you and nobody cares?

-Who the friggen heck drew that Iron Man portrait cause it is wicked awesome!!! Oh yeah and as gorgeous as that photo is it comes nowhere near as close to the beauty of Pepper Potts, Gwyneth Paltrow. Oh yeah and is it seriously possible to just hand over your CEO position to your personal assistant? I mean wouldn’t the board have something to say about that or a vote or something?

-Jeez I know I am going to be annoyed by Happy for the rest of the movie… Seriously Favro aren’t you supposed to be directing?

-Now we get introduced to Natalie Rushman, second place to Pepper Potts. Of course we get some stupid lingerie photo of her. I mean how is Tony Stark buying into this cover story? Seriously?

-Sweet f-ing reveal of Whiplash and his technology. Wait is anyone starting to mistake this movie for Transformers? I mean with the slo-mo and explosions I am forgetting which one I am watching.

-Maybe I am alone in this but I wish they hadn’t revealed the briefcase armor in the trailer at this point. I mean that was one of the best ways of the armor being placed in the whole movie and we already know what it looks like from the trailer over and over again.

-What a wonderful prison system. Is that the French? I mean come on seriously how can it be that easy to break someone out of prison and fake their death in the process?

-It is Stark’s birthday party and he is having this huge party but everyone around looks like they are 18 year olds. I mean did he break into a prom for his birthday or are we supposed to buy that he would only have 17 and 18 year old kids there?

-Ok how does Rhodey even know how to get the suit on? With the technology as advanced as it is why would it even turn on if it sensed another body in it? Even if you believe all that let’s think about how hard it was for Stark to learn to drive the suits yet it takes Rhodey like five seconds.

-Seeing Nick Fury in a cafe is very reminiscent of Pulp Fiction. Now I want to watch that movie.

-Ivan seriously you need to stop harping on your bird and tooth picks. You are seriously starting to creep me and probably everyone else out.

-That is awesome! Captain America’s Shield! Not only do we get to see it but we also get to see that Playskool helped with the design!

-Wait so you’re telling me that this impossible element is possible to make and Stark can make it in a half an hour? Oh yeah and that beam that cut through everything doesn’t effect the machine or the device itself and that the device can heal the big cut through the metal in seconds?

-Wait so we watch a movie with Whiplash as a main character and the big payoff fight only adds up to 2 minutes in a suit that doesn’t even make sense? How is he whipping those with all that metal in the way and why is everyone’s helmet always have to be up? How are they not getting a concussion every five seconds?

-The biggest spoiler of the whole movie. Playskool Hammer after the credits. Why can everything else look halfway decent but the Captain America Shield and Mjolnir look so fake? Holy crap.

Your turn… What do you think of Iron Man 2? Was it better than the original? How does it compare to the other comic book movies of the year? How does it compare to the movies of 2010? Is it a good start to the summer movie season?

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