Directed by George Dugdale
Starring Caroline Munro, Simon Scuddamore, Carmine Iannaccone, Donna Yeager, Gary Martin, Billy Hartman, Michael Saffran
Lionsgate Home Entertainment
Release Date: April 14, 2009
I take back every bad thing I ever said about every bad movie I have ever seen from Manos the Hands of Fate to Tommy Wiseau’s The Room because none of them could ever compare to the unimaginable horror I witnessed last night when I put the Slaughter High DVD in my player. This is officially the worst movie I have ever seen my friends, and I’ve seen the remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still. I’ve always had a soft spot in my black heart for the slasher horror movies of the late 1970’s and early 1980’s (the subgenre’s golden age in my professional opinion). The best ones are like taking a ride on the scariest rollercoasters in the world from the comfort of your sofa or bean bag chair or strolling through those spooktacular haunted houses at the state fair. The worse ones however are ordeals more grueling that your average hostage situation to endure, and such is the case with Slaughter High despite a running time of 91 minutes. Not only did this movie test my patience and grate my nerves, it also insulted my intelligence to the point where I wanted to go up to my television and smack it across the room.
Starting off as most slashers did with a moronic prank gone wild, high school nerd Marty Rantzen (Simon Scuddamore) gets lured into the girls’ locker room with the promise of wild sex with school sexpot Carol (Caroline Munro, who was actually 36 years old at the time she played a “teenager” in this “movie”) and ends up getting pranked on big time by Carol and a bunch of her bozo friends. The poor schmuck gets stripped to only what the Lord gave him, dunked in a toilet, and given a mild electrical shock. Later that same day since it is April Fools’ Day (the movie’s original title) after all, a couple of Marty’s meathead jock tormentors give him a tainted joint that causes him to get into an accident while in the science lab. As if his day couldn’t get any worse Marty gets doused with nitric acid and set on fire, scarring his face permanently.
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