In news that is catching the undead world by storm, it was announced today that through the use of advanced science and with the help of a few pages from the Necronomicon, Alfred Hitchcock, famed director of Psycho and The Birds, has been brought back to life. Now, you would think a director of this caliber would have a ripe choice of projects to pick from, but his dark Hollywood overlords have decided for him, putting him behind a big-screen version of The Walking Dead as his comeback [to life] picture. This comes as even a bigger shock than the undead returning to life, as The Walking Dead is already a fairly successful television series — even with its unnecessary and unprovoked violence towards innocent zombies.
The Walking Dead is about the lives of a group of humans in the zombie apocalypse, so it makes perfect sense for a zombie to direct the movie — hopefully he will be kind to his kind, unlike the showrunners.
Details are scarce at this point but producers say they plan on having some of the TV series cast show up in cameos parts and by parts, I do hope they mean body parts! The film will feature a new cast and a story not seen in the comic books.
When asked what his plans for the movie were, Hitchcock responded, “Brains!!” which caused the assembled reporters to laugh, before the rotund auteur set upon the group, killing seven. What a fitting time to reanimated the famed director, as this month is the 31st anniversary of his death, so now he can celebrate the occasion in style!
The surprise move has been met with a host of imitators, as always seems to happen in Hollywood. Rumor has it that Disney Studios is finally going to thaw Walt Disney’s head and attach it to one of the animatronic robots from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. The studio plans to have him rebuild their once-great hand drawn animation department, and word around the campfire is that plans are in place for a third Fantasia film, featuring the music of Hall & Oates, in place of the more traditional classical music of earlier installments. One can only hope that Disney doesn’t use his near immortal robot body to run amok in Disneyland.